Expectations


Recently I’ve come to the realization that having expectations of how something will, should or could be just isn’t worth it. Don’t ask me why it’s taken me so long to figure this out but since I have, my perspective on outcomes has changed immensely.

For example; there once was a time when I’d fantasize about the weekend (especially one where we’d have an extra day). I’d think about sleeping in (but not so long that we’ve slept the day away), relaxing drinking coffee, having a nice breakfast, then spending time going somewhere new. Maybe trying out a restaurant we’ve been wanting to go to; with the weekend slowly moving along and the start of the week always seeming far away.

Sounds dreamy right?

I’ll tell you right now weekends like that are few and far between in our world (kids or no kids). Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our fair share of dreamy weekends but life always seems to have its own ideas about how those two or three days will play out. Like the one time when my husband and I had these amazing plans to spend the weekend at the coast in a beautiful condo on a cliff overlooking the ocean for our anniversary. Imagine perfect weather, gorgeous scenery, perfect bedding, beautiful decor, no plans, no “have tos”, just him and I with all the freedom in the world to enjoy our time however we pleased…and then he got sick; so sick he could barely move or get out of bed (I’ll spare you the rest of the gory details). You know…stuff like that.

Or with the every day, how I’ll have plans for the things my son and I will do each day; playdates, the book babies program at the library, going swimming, going to the zoo; and then he starts teething so his sleep schedule’s off and we can’t make it to any of the things we’d planned to because his sleep and comfort is obviously way more important than me forcing us to get out of the house to go to an activity I’ve planned.

When I think back on times like our anniversary and my poor sick husband or on the times when I’m humbled to the needs of my son I have to stop and smile; what a memories these are; these events are truly not ones I would expect nor would hope for, however in allowing myself to stay in the moment I’m able to find the little things that make them so special.

A few weeks ago we had a long weekend and I was so looking forward to how things would be. We truly did everything I had hoped (plus or minus a few minor details but nothing’s perfect right?). However, I was still left feeling like we’d missed something or that we could’ve or should’ve done something that we hadn’t.

I was having these feelings during a moment to myself; my husband was at the grocery store (doing our big shopping for the month) and my sweet little guy was working on his second hour of napping…

(SILENCE)

(Insert deep breath, cool breeze, quiet time with a nice, tasty, warm cup of coffee here…)

(MORE SILENCE…everything done…no dishes piled on the counter, no laundry lurking on the couch, no bathrooms needing to be cleaned, dinner planned…)

And then I realized, all my expectations were silly and that my desires and ideas of that “perfect” end of our three days together had been met beyond my wildest dreams and I hadn’t even realized it! I laugh out loud as I write this with a permagrin staining my face…

Life is only what we make of it and perfection is in the eye of the beholder; our dreams and expectations change over time but isn’t it amazing when realize when life and your fantasies have met?

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About The Momflict

I am a new mom adjusting to life with my first born...trying to find my place in the world and wrestling with the changes of life in staying home or going back to work...thus, the momflict.
This entry was posted in Daily living, gratitude, life lessons, time management and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Expectations

  1. Erin, what a nice piece of writing you have here. How easy it is for us all to get caught up in our grand expectations only to be disapointed. We so often fail to realize all the blessings we have because some small piece of the puzzle of our grand design did not turn out quite like we wanted it to. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this and urge more people to take a deep breath and appreciate what they do have. Sometimes in life you just have to go with the flow and roll with the punches, take life as it comes instead of trying to control every last little detail. I know I feel like I live a much more peaceful life since I was able to let go of my expectations and desire for complete control. Wishing all others out there the wisdom to understand the freedom of letting go.

  2. Carol mcmanus says:

    Thanks Erin I needed to read this. I have been having a hard time letting go of the life I had before and the expectations of being a mom. Need to remember that it’s about Hadley and the little things in life.

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