Many people have asked about how things are going and how it was leaving my job. I wrote about my thoughts and feelings after my last day of work and debated on whether or not to share but since it’s one of the first things women have brought up when talking about the transition from working to stay at home motherhood I thought I’d share.
As I read through what I wrote I couldn’t help but notice the plastered grin on my face as I reflected back. I have such excitement for myself as I look back only a few short months ago and think about where I’ve come and how things have gone. At that point I had no idea what was to come and I would’ve LOVED to be able to tell myself about my feelings and thoughts and experiences over the past few months.
No, I don’t have any regrets with my choice. Yes, there is definitely a lot to get used to, and of course, I’ve had to adjust my thinking as well as work daily to overcome my own self-inflicted pressure of how things should be. All in all I feel gratitude for the lessons I learn throughout each day and can’t imagine having made any other choice for our family!
Please don’t see these statements as “blog perfect” statements. My whole goal for sharing my feelings, thoughts, and experiences here is to keep it real and to be honest. Not everything is perfect in my world but I’ve definitely been able to see the perfection in our imperfections and wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so humbled as I stumble through parenthood and see the ever evolving changes in our daily lives; I never would’ve guessed things would be so interesting!
June 1, 2011… The last day
It’s funny how much can change in such a short amount of time. I handed my badge to my boss and that was it. I was done. Done with a job I worked so hard to get; done with the job that I set as a goal to achieve; done with a job I said I would consider staying at for possibly my entire career; after all, it was a good one.
As women it feels like we work so hard to find our place in the world. To find the niche in our career path that makes sense for who we are as an individual; and to find that, on top of a decent salary with good benefits…well…it’s a keeper! Until of course, you have a baby and your world is turned upside down and inside out in the most incredible way possible. In such a way that one might think you were crazy because describing it is pointless; there are absolutely NO WORDS to describe love for a human being such as the love you have for your child.
So, as I turned in my badge and said my final goodbyes and walked down the hallway to leave the building I left with pride and confusion. Pride for the way I was leaving; a job well done, no bridges burned, and feelings of the possibility to return; I wasn’t closing the door entirely on this career I’ve built. Confusion for the way I was leaving; a job well done, no bridges burned, and feelings of wonder and question…could I keep doing this? Do I really need to leave? Is this the right choice? Is it my time to go?
My heart swelled as I got in the car to go pick up my dear sweet baby boy. No longer do I have to pick him up and hear what kind of a day he had (this was the hardest thing for me…I know many women find the hardest part being the drop off for the day but it hurt to know I was being told about his day by someone else); I have confidence in knowing that I’ll be there during his day to witness what goes on and how it goes.
I noticed myself taking deep cleansing breaths…relieveing breaths…I felt peace…then question…then peace…I have no idea what the future holds and no idea how things in my life will play out. But what I know to be true, is that a job is a job…being a mother is constant and forever.